My Journey started here.

Life is Bitchen!

2008-06-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

So this is just a quick note to say that life is fricken bitchen! I have turned around my whole outlook in the last 48 hours. It is unfortunate that the recent events made me feel so low, but I have turned that around and I am focussed and back on the path.

To put so much value on the approval of one person is silly. I have so many other wonderful people and happenings going on in my life. So screw that, I love my life and the person I am, and if anyone has a problem with that, then I don't need them.

I fucking rock o.k., thats just the truth.

Love and Other Expected Disapointments 2

2008-06-19T13:13:00.000-07:00

I wanted to delete part of my last blog. I can't do that though, I made the decisions that I made and when I wrote it they were relevant. I guess that is the whole thing about this blog thing, you can't change your past, you can only try to change your future decisions.

Jeremy and I could not work out our relationship. It hurts so fucking bad that I really don't even want to explain it right now. We have all the love in the world for each other, but none of the ability to control our hurtful ways towards each other. I have tried to be as understanding as possible, but I just am not strong enough, I guess. Or not, maybe I am so strong that i know I deserve better than that. Yeah, I like that better. I am a strong person and I regressed back one whole year when I started back with Jeramy.

He said that I had not changed at all and basically was making me feel like I was fooling myself. I know that is not true. I know and feel in my heart and mind the changes that I have gone through. The only thing that I could come up with is that I put myself and my mindset right back to when we were together the first time and reverted to those old behaviors. I don't think that it was a healthy choice for me and I really feel stupid that I thought that it would work. Matters of the heart are always confusing, I felt so passionately about him and our "future" together, but it wasn't real, there was no follow through.

I think I need to go to love rehab or something, because at this point, it is negatively controlling my life. I am off love for awhile.

Well, it's Back to the Grind for Me

2008-06-13T15:16:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am again, sitting at my computer in the office. I have had alot of fun during the last few months I have had off. I got to catch up with alot of friends and family. It was a weird feeling to not be working for almost 2 months and not have to be looking for a job. I am relaxed, refreshed and ready to work.

I made it down to Mexico as I had planned and that exceeded every expectation I had for sure. Mexico is a beautiful, culturally rich country. I felt safe at all times and spent most of my time in a small family oriented city called Jerez. My friend Cristobal made me feel so welcome and comfortable, as did his family. We went swimming, went to a reggae festival, shopping, and went camping on a week long road trip. I did alot of drugs and partied too. It was a unforgetable experience.

Before that, I did some side work for a good friend of my dad and me. I cleaned up construction site mess at this gorgeous home on the water in Gig Harbor. It was so nice to be working in that enviroment, so laid back and casual. I made good money and had alot of fun doing it too.

I was not able to go to Finney Farm like I had planned, just kinda ran out of time and had to come back to work a little early. I will go there though at some point to stay, i think it is something that I need to experience. I also will be going to the Southside Barn Dance and Social that they have every year in July. That should give me a little taste of it all.

Jeramy.

That's almost all I have to say. I felt a great loss when Jeramy and I broke up, and went through alot of pain. It's pretty much why I am here at the mountain now in a way. I honestly never thought that we would even speak again, but after a long tortured break-up and aftermath, we have reunitied, better than ever. I am so in love with this man, it almost hurts! He is the most intelligent and passionate person I have ever been with and it attracts me like a moth to a flame. We have changed as people alot since we were together. I think this will work well for us in the long term sense.

Life changes all the time, you have to be willing to run with it.

I'm Kissing the Mounatin Goodbye, with Tounge!

2008-04-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

So this is it, my last shift of the winter season here at Crystal Mountain. I have gone through alot of different emotions, states of mind and opinions of myself. I am so happy with this experience and I can't wait to come back for the summer. It will be a whole new lot of people, enviroment and a chance for me to really assert myself here.

So, the next couple of months are supossed to be a vacation, but it is not really turning out that way, which is awesome. I am reconnecting with my friends and family, I have several money making ventures while I am out of here as well, and then there's Mexico!

My friend Cristobol and I have really connected even more over the last few weeks and we are going to have the time of a lifetime while I am there with him. This will be, by far, hands down the coolest, most exciting thing that I have ever done in my life(thus far that is).

My Crystal Mountain friends and I have all been through so much together over the last 5 months. This is a very interesting dynamic to live in, it creates some strange and unique situations and bonds. I have formed some amazing relationships here and I can't wait to see where they go.

On this road of life we make many turns and detours, and that is where we find ourselves, and the people to share our memories with.

Voy a México

2008-03-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

So the countdown is in effect! I leave here in just over a month. I will miss being here for a few months, but I am so excited to start my next set of adventure plans. First off, I have purchased my tickets to Mexico and will be there for 3 weeks. My friends have told me about so many things that we will be doing while we are there. Surfing and hanging out at the beach, tripping in the desert, going to see the Mayan pyramids and a ghost town!

I can't wait to get away from this country that is familiar to me and venture out and experience new cultures and lifestyles. Americans are so ignorant to the many different cultures that are out there on this beautiful planet. I want to change that for myself. I will see everything I can see before I die! Always learning and seeing and doing.

I have other exciting news as well. I had kind of been worrying in the back of my mind about money in the off season. I had thought about bar tending 1 or 2 days a week just to make some cash. Well, thank science i don't have to do that! I will be pouring castings for my Dad's friend. See, he is a woodcarver and they make reproductions of their work with concrete. He said he will pay me per piece, so that should get me by.

I have started to scale down the plans (at least for this season) on the "playhouse hippie loft bungalow". I am still going to be doing everything I wanted to, just not right away. I am just thinking that it will be much more expensive than I thought originally. I did however get a very cool "recycled" piece for the "kitchen", this really cool old pink sink inset in a counter top of pink tile. It was sitting in front of some one's garage and it did not look like they needed it.

Ooh! Speaking of great "recycled" finds! I have found my travelling companion. A powder blue hard case Samsonite suitcase, purchased for $1.29 at Goodwill. I will put a sticker on it from every country/place I go. It will be a tangible passport of sorts.

Life is amazing. I am so happy with my choices and they person I am turning out to be (I know it's corny, but you have to tell yourself that from time to time), I am only 24 years old, I can't wait to see where the rest of my life takes me!

Memoirs of a Modern Gypsy

2008-02-18T20:06:00.000-08:00

So, I have decided that I am a modern gypsy. I reject stability and the life I am "suppossed" to want to strive for. Happiness and success are different to me than most other people. I want to make my life memorable for me and the things that I want to do. I just can't conform to society's idea of what my life should be. I told my mother a long time ago that my life is going to be very different than her life. I have very different ideas of what makes life special and fufilling.

I am living up here in this mountain enviroment and you could say I am sacrificing alot to be here, but i don't look at it that way. I feel that I have found the golden ticket here. I mean, a job that gives you 2 months off twice a year, I live here in very comfortable accommodations(to me anyway)and get all my food for a nominal fee. All I have to do here is concentrate on being a hard worker and then the reward is the time off. There is absolutely nothing for me to spend my money on here on a day to day basis, so it has helped my financial stability emensly.

I have so many adventures in my head for that time off , which is coming sooner than later. I am going to green build remodel my childhood playhouse into a bungalo for my self to stay in when I am around. I am going to Mexico in May to visit friends I have made here at the mountain. When I get "home" (sidenote-it took me only a few weeks to start calling this place home and not the other way around)to Port Orchard and Bremerton I am going to be a different person in that place. I live my life so differently now than I did when I was there. People laugh at me when I tell them the things I want to do with my life.

I want to travel and see this beautiful world that we get the privelage of living on. I want to meet new crazy, adventurous, gypsies like me, and I want to do it all with a zest for life and a positivity that people just can't seem to find in conventional life.

They say that the american dream is a good job, owning a home and having 2.5 children, and mabye it is for some people. I have a different plan in mind, and I am so excited!

One Night in Antarctica

2008-02-17T18:43:00.001-08:00

So I did the coolest thing last night. I spent the night in a snow cave. I met a guy in the bar here and he and his 7 friends built and have stayed in a snow cave the last few nights. It was so neat to look at and way warmer than I thought it would be. The level of comfort left a bit to be desired, but hey, it was an adventure to me!

I totally hooked up with the guy too and we had absolutely mind blowing snow cave sex, probably the coolest (pardon the pun) place I have ever had sex. I may have just found a new extreme sport! Extreme Outdoor Sex! I love it, where to next? I will have to try pretty hard to top this.

"Love" and other expected disapointments...

2008-02-14T08:48:00.000-08:00

So, really now. Again I have been lied to. Really, it isn't too much of a surprise. My subconcious has been telling me for days that this was not going to work out. I, again, in a time frame of 1 week, have fallen "in love" with another loser. They just keep getting worse as I go along, shouldn't I be getting wiser?

Well, at leaset I am getting quicker. It took me about 3-5 days to realize that this was not going to be a successful match. That is way better, considering my past brushes with "love".

I say "love", and mean just that, " ", the idea of love, but not the real thing. i always think it is the real thing, but alas. I am a compulsive descision maker. I take short periods of time and turn them into my be all end all. I compromise my plans for the plans that will further my co-dependent relationships. At least I am aware of this right?

I am so much more successfull, functional and healthy alone, so that is what I will be. I have been saying it for months, but now is the time. I have been tricked and fooled into being "in love" for the last time. I have a dynamic personality, I am very smart and I need to stop being vulnerable to this fucking shit! Done!

Run Away from Home!

2008-02-13T17:50:00.000-08:00

I am living at a mountain for the winter and I love it. It has opened my mind and made me really think about things differently. As sad as it sounds, this is the farthest that I have lived away from my family and friends ever, and it's only 2 hours away.

Living up here in the serene beauty of nature has really had a possitive effect on my life. I have quit smoking cigarettes, I am living a very active life as far as excersise and physical activity go, I am a vegetarian, and most of all, i am really getting to know myself and am becoming more and more self aware and able to read my body.

Living where I did, in Bremerton(or Bummertown as i affectionaltly call it), I was a product of my enviroment. Living in a poor, run down sorry excuse for a town made me fell like a run down sorry excuse for a human being. I was overweight, unhealthy and could see myself slowly but surely slipping into the monotany of the enviroment I was being exposed to.

I had to get away. I found a wonderful job oppritunity through craigslist.com for seasonal work at Crystal Mountain Ski Resort, and let me tell you, getting away from Bremerton was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Things that were always such a hurdle for me to overcome before(ie: quitting smoking, over eating, and getting physical) have been so easy and rewarding to accomplish.

I have written this blog for anyone who is stuck in the negativity around them, and just want to break free! Do it! Do it now! Run away from home, it is the best thing i ever did!