I wanted to delete part of my last blog. I can't do that though, I made the decisions that I made and when I wrote it they were relevant. I guess that is the whole thing about this blog thing, you can't change your past, you can only try to change your future decisions.
Jeremy and I could not work out our relationship. It hurts so fucking bad that I really don't even want to explain it right now. We have all the love in the world for each other, but none of the ability to control our hurtful ways towards each other. I have tried to be as understanding as possible, but I just am not strong enough, I guess. Or not, maybe I am so strong that i know I deserve better than that. Yeah, I like that better. I am a strong person and I regressed back one whole year when I started back with Jeramy.
He said that I had not changed at all and basically was making me feel like I was fooling myself. I know that is not true. I know and feel in my heart and mind the changes that I have gone through. The only thing that I could come up with is that I put myself and my mindset right back to when we were together the first time and reverted to those old behaviors. I don't think that it was a healthy choice for me and I really feel stupid that I thought that it would work. Matters of the heart are always confusing, I felt so passionately about him and our "future" together, but it wasn't real, there was no follow through.
I think I need to go to love rehab or something, because at this point, it is negatively controlling my life. I am off love for awhile.
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