Life is Bitchen!

So this is just a quick note to say that life is fricken bitchen! I have turned around my whole outlook in the last 48 hours. It is unfortunate that the recent events made me feel so low, but I have turned that around and I am focussed and back on the path.

To put so much value on the approval of one person is silly. I have so many other wonderful people and happenings going on in my life. So screw that, I love my life and the person I am, and if anyone has a problem with that, then I don't need them.

I fucking rock o.k., thats just the truth.

Love and Other Expected Disapointments 2

I wanted to delete part of my last blog. I can't do that though, I made the decisions that I made and when I wrote it they were relevant. I guess that is the whole thing about this blog thing, you can't change your past, you can only try to change your future decisions.

Jeremy and I could not work out our relationship. It hurts so fucking bad that I really don't even want to explain it right now. We have all the love in the world for each other, but none of the ability to control our hurtful ways towards each other. I have tried to be as understanding as possible, but I just am not strong enough, I guess. Or not, maybe I am so strong that i know I deserve better than that. Yeah, I like that better. I am a strong person and I regressed back one whole year when I started back with Jeramy.

He said that I had not changed at all and basically was making me feel like I was fooling myself. I know that is not true. I know and feel in my heart and mind the changes that I have gone through. The only thing that I could come up with is that I put myself and my mindset right back to when we were together the first time and reverted to those old behaviors. I don't think that it was a healthy choice for me and I really feel stupid that I thought that it would work. Matters of the heart are always confusing, I felt so passionately about him and our "future" together, but it wasn't real, there was no follow through.

I think I need to go to love rehab or something, because at this point, it is negatively controlling my life. I am off love for awhile.

Well, it's Back to the Grind for Me

Well, here I am again, sitting at my computer in the office. I have had alot of fun during the last few months I have had off. I got to catch up with alot of friends and family. It was a weird feeling to not be working for almost 2 months and not have to be looking for a job. I am relaxed, refreshed and ready to work.

I made it down to Mexico as I had planned and that exceeded every expectation I had for sure. Mexico is a beautiful, culturally rich country. I felt safe at all times and spent most of my time in a small family oriented city called Jerez. My friend Cristobal made me feel so welcome and comfortable, as did his family. We went swimming, went to a reggae festival, shopping, and went camping on a week long road trip. I did alot of drugs and partied too. It was a unforgetable experience.

Before that, I did some side work for a good friend of my dad and me. I cleaned up construction site mess at this gorgeous home on the water in Gig Harbor. It was so nice to be working in that enviroment, so laid back and casual. I made good money and had alot of fun doing it too.

I was not able to go to Finney Farm like I had planned, just kinda ran out of time and had to come back to work a little early. I will go there though at some point to stay, i think it is something that I need to experience. I also will be going to the Southside Barn Dance and Social that they have every year in July. That should give me a little taste of it all.

Jeramy.

That's almost all I have to say. I felt a great loss when Jeramy and I broke up, and went through alot of pain. It's pretty much why I am here at the mountain now in a way. I honestly never thought that we would even speak again, but after a long tortured break-up and aftermath, we have reunitied, better than ever. I am so in love with this man, it almost hurts! He is the most intelligent and passionate person I have ever been with and it attracts me like a moth to a flame. We have changed as people alot since we were together. I think this will work well for us in the long term sense.

Life changes all the time, you have to be willing to run with it.